Growing from Goodbye

Initially upon entering the Johnson School for my final Monday of the semester, I was genuinely sad.  I knew it was the last time a student waiting to be picked up would hold the door for me with a polite smile and the last time I would greet the hall coordinator who was also a student of SHU, entering the cafeteria making my way through the madness searching for Ms. Ivy's face and the other women that helped with the program.  I was greeted by the usual second graders who ask and beg me to go to their classroom that day, while I seek out the children I work with specifically asking them how their day was and seeing where students who normally were there but were not were.  This final Monday I was concerned because it had been 3 times since I had seen one of the students that often gave me a particularly hard time, largely because he really needed the help, was no longer in the program as a result of money.  This was the first time I had realized the larger effect on the students that attend these schools.  I work specifically with children who are pushed or given a bit more opportunity by their parents, so though they are clearly influenced by their neighborhoods, they do have a slight advantage over those who do not.  I realized just how detrimental this program was to this student's education and became genuinely concerned as he was already at risk for failing second grade, for the second time.  There was no role I could play, and only brought this issue to Ms. Ivy who similarly shared her concern and expressed that they were working hard to bring him back.  I think about him now writing this and become sad that his last chance of truly succeeding may have been taken away from him.  This largely defined my day, along with a pleasant surprise of one of my favorite second graders D who showed imitative for the first time to do MORE work than he actually had to.  It was such an incredibly rewarding experience when he begged me to do more of his spelling packet, as he had forgotten his spelling homework the last 3 visits I made.  Ms. Ivy now left me alone in the classroom with our lighthouse kids, there is another women who presides over the classroom but it is my responsibility to work with 5 of the kids specifically who have or are at risk for autism.  I could not believe how far I had grown to be able to manage their questions and help them to see a smile in completing their work correctly and quickly to be able to do activity that day.  As our afternoon concluded, Ms. Ivy and I joined together, filling out final evaluation forms.  Ms. Ivy's incredible confidence and expression of my abilities made me blush, she had seen parts of me I had not, explaining to me specific experiences she witnessed with my connection with the students, expressing my ability and ease of working with disabled children, while treating them like another and clearly placing myself next to them, rather than above.  She stated I had a connection that was rare and should be embraced.  I wonder how this will affect my decisions later in life in my own career, but as of now, she has led me to contact the Kennedy Center to already find ways to volunteer alongside Ms. Ivy again in the fall.  I miss the students so much already; their innocence alongside these students that are incredibly mature for their age is amazing to me.  I see the potential and only want to see that grow more as they progress through their schooling and grow in their own intellectual efforts and social situations.  This experience was amazing and essential to me understanding so much more about myself as well as the essentiality of the common core to our general education, creating experiences and realizations that I will take with me into my career and future endeavors within society.

My last full week..

Going into Johnson School on Monday I was a bit upset, knowing that I only had three days left, including today, of time to spend with the kids that I had grown to appreciate and adore.  Though they had attitudes at times as if I could not believe I was upset.  The students' were very rowdy this Monday, and Miss Ivy and I worked exclusively with the second graders again.  Once again, my time was spent one on one, a service that was appreciated tremendously by Miss Ivy because it allowed the student has to receive the attention they really needed to get their work done.  D did not forget his spelling homework this week, with a new packet being given to him; he knew there would be no excuses.  I encouraged him to get through three pages of the 5-page packet so then he only had two pages left to do the rest of the week.  Though it was like pulling teeth, I was able to get him through it.  That was rewarding because I knew he did learn something from the work because by the end he actually understood what we were doing.  Between Monday and Wednesday this week, I can see more and more the impact of the home life on the kids.  Many of them have young mothers, something I find reflective in the attitudes they develop at such a young age.  They have the hand movements the neck the head; they just have such big attitudes for such little people.  I think this is a reflection of what they experience, how their parents act.  Miss Ivy and I discussed this, which these parents think their children do not see or understand what is going on, but really they are just giant sponges and the parents are the water; they absorb everything and use it to get themselves through life or the second grade, because it is all they know.  I worked in the classroom by myself on Wednesday, unable to find Miss Ivy, and in this I was able to really find my voice, in telling the kids to do their own work, in addition to the other women who help, but my focus is on the Kennedy Center kids, and I found I was able to distribute my time evenly, saying no to those who did not merit my help. 
 However, I understand after today how much of a help I am to Miss Ivy.  There is no way she can be in every place at once.  The importance of this program through the Kennedy Center is so important to these children, and the volunteers that SHU is able to provide are appreciated beyond words.  As Miss Ivy and I departed each other today she thanked me again for all the help I have given her and the students over the past 2 months, she told me that after my last day Monday the kids are really going to miss me.  That meant more than anything did, it made the stressful days of having to run between two events to get to the school and get my hours in all worth it.  This experience has been so positive and important to me for growing and understanding what my place in this world is and truly how appreciative I should be for all that I have.  I am blessed to have met such a wonderful woman and such amazing kids, that even when they get on your last nerve, all they want is someone to believe in them, and I am happy to have been able to be that person.

Warming up at Johnson!

The week of March 19 brought me to Johnson School twice.  The weather as beginning to be beautiful and though I was feeling overwhelmed from school work, I knew I had to get my service hours in, and further I really just wanted to see the kids, specifically the 2nd graders.  I did not expect to have such a drive to want to go to the school and help Miss Ivy, but now that I was able to understand that my presence truly made a difference in each individual student's success, I felt as if had become my duty to these kids to make sure they succeeded.  Monday I arrived early, knowing that I would have to leave a few minutes early to make it to my class at 5:10.  I entered the cafeteria and could sense the excitement in the air from the warm, nice weather.  It clearly brightened their day.  I worked one on one with IB that day; I had worked with him before, but had never realized how much guidance he really needed to get through his work.  Not so much guidance as just someone keeping him focused.  Kids have a very contagious effect upon each other.  When one acts up, the next one does the next one and so on.  A truly ripple effect.  So being a representative of the Kennedy Center, it is my job to work specifically with those who suffer from autism or are at risk, and help them complete their work.  At times this requires me disciplining the other students as well because they are not only a distraction to themselves, but the entire class.  This Monday I actually was led to call down to the office because one girl was fighting with another, and of course getting everyone riled up in the process.  I was taken aback by the fact that these were second graders, yet they knew how to deliberately pull each other’s hair to get each other to the floor!  I was shocked and on my toes the rest of the afternoon as a result.  Wednesday was the nicest day of the week and the kids had the opportunity to go play outside.  The usual schoolwork went very smoothly.  I worked with a kid F, in Kindergarten, whom I learned very quickly how distracted he gets, from what was on my finger, to the color of my shoelaces, to the type of pants I was wearing, he truly required me to keep him focused on his work and get through it as quickly as we could before he started getting upset and then shut down.  That is something I have sensed immensely among the students, that taking a long time to do something, truly shuts them out and down.  They need the help because they have trouble staying focused, but their focus is so short that they are checked out so easily and then they are just done.  Some are manipulative, though young, and know that if they 'forget' their homework in their desk in their classroom, they won’t have to do it that day, being that this was such a nice day, this seemed to be a bit of a pattern, and from what I heard it was an issue the day before as well.  Before we went to the playground that day I was able to get through to D and remind him that if he didn’t have his spelling on Monday when I came back I was going to be very upset, he promised me he wouldn't, and I believe him, because if you instill a faith in them, they want to reciprocate it.  They do not as if letting others down, and it is interesting because it seems like so often they are let down by those around them.  It is not always an easy experience, when it seems they just do not care, or tell stories about how their sisters take care of them when they get home, because it is a new experience for me.  I can see their sense of need to have control and always be defensive even just playing on the playground, or by refusing to take their jacket off at anytime.  It is almost as if they fear something will happen if they let their guard down too far.  I think I have gotten to quite a few students, IB and D for instance always come to me, and seem to understand that I am there to help, asking if I will be there the next day and then seemingly disappointed when I tell them I won't be.  It makes me feel warm and rewarded, and excited for what is to come next.  I only have three more days left at Johnson School, for service learning, but I want to continue on, and I don't know if I am ready to leave the kids, rather I would love to see them grow further than they have, and truly see them be able to succeed in life.  This has been and is such an enormously rewarding experience!

Third Times A Charm

This past Wednesday was my third trip to Johnson School, and was by far the best.  I was excited from the moment I walked into the elementary school and into the cafeteria to meet Miss Ivy, when a 1st grader from the week before ran up to me and gave me a hug, thanking me for helping her with her homework the week before.  I did not realize the impact my volunteering had on these children until that moment.  Some of these children have no support system at home, so merely helping them by checking over their work or assisting with a subtraction problem can make all the difference to their world.
Not much happened in the way of disciplining, but I think this is also a result of my confidence that I had to develop in interacting with the kids.  I had to be an authoritative figure, or they would walk all over me.  I was able to work one on one with a student this week, more of a tutoring experience, though in the middle of a classroom on a beautiful day with children running all around us, it was no easy task.  His name will be called I, and he is a bright student, but needs guidance to get where he is going.  Just in three weeks, I have experienced such joy in seeing the light in their eyes when they figure out a problem, even if it just required me holding up my hands for them to count so they could subtract two numbers.  It is wonderful seeing children learn, and knowing that your help is truly making a difference in their life.  A simple pleasure I suppose they would call this.  This is also the first day that we were able to play outside, so of course the second graders that I had been working with were more than thrilled that they were the class chosen to go outside.  There were a couple run of the mill injuries that come from kids playing and not paying attention, but it was once again so exciting to the see the happiness in their eyes and face to just be able to play on the jungle jim for a couple minutes.  It truly makes you reminisce when you were 8 years old and the only things that mattered were playtime and sleep time, and of course school work.  I had such a wonderful experience this week, and of course as I reflect every week, I cannot wait until I get to see all the kids again next week.

Johnson School Take Two

After a week break from the children in the lighthouse program, I found myself eager for Wednesday to arrive so that I could spend time with the children who needed my time the most.  It was a snowy, wintry mix day so I thought I might not get the opportunity, but they did not cancel, solely because of the entire purpose of the program, to give children a place to do their work with guidance while their parents had to work.  I learned this week that Miss Ivy floats between grades, checking on the different children in the different classrooms.  The kids were much more active than the previous experience, and so we decided to stay with a mellower crowd, the kindergartners.  I learned a lot today, and had to keep myself removed yet placed in the situation simultaneously.  We were not allowed to touch the students, though they try to touch you constantly, and hug, but with today’s society, it is important that we always keep our hands to our self, as silly as that sounds, because some children interpret interactions differently as we do.  The kindergartners’ were easier and more difficult to work with.  Once again, the literacy levels among the class varied greatly, but their homework was much simpler to complete making it a bit easier to help them.  I was surprised at the work the kindergartners’ were doing though, some children breezed through the subtraction problems yet struggled with the word search, while others struggled with both, and some seemed like they belonged in the second grade.  I can also understand now why some children are held for a second year in kindergarten, it is clearly a growing year, where some individuals break out and show their potential, while others stay reserved struggling a bit to find their own in their first real year of schooling.  I was able to once again visit the third graders that I worked with last week, they remembered me, pleasing me that perhaps I left an impression on them, and when they saw me, they knew to get right to work.  One of the students, the ringleader once again, D, was sitting outside the classroom as I walked up to the room.  He had gotten in trouble for not doing his work and teasing the others so was led to sit outside the room.  As I walked up, he looked at me and immediately knew that he needed to ask me nicely for help, and then I would assist him.  I feel as if some of them simply crave the attention, stating that they do not know how to do their work, yet when I look away and look back, they have done four problems and clearly know the answer to the next.  I suppose this is one of the benefits for me for volunteering, knowing that if even in the slightest way I can provide a sense of security or help to a child for even 10 minutes.  After I entered the room and helped the rest of the children that we worked with, I was able to see how the children reacted with each other again, especially with the conditions outside.  I also was able to gain a true appreciation of the work and support that these teachers and aides give to these children, and just how vital the lighthouse program is to their success in not only finishing their homework, but also being a helping hand in guiding them through school.  Once again, I am eager for my next visit to the Johnson School!

The First Experience

I waited in my car for a few minutes nervously waiting to go into the Johnson School in Bridgeport.  I was not expecting to be nervous but after I parked my car, I suddenly felt a pit in my stomach, reluctant to walk into the school and begin my first afternoon with the third graders.  I walked into the school and was immediately welcomed warmly by the staff that helped me get to where I needed to be, only to meet the nicest woman who kept the kids in line, Miss Ivy.  My nerves had vanished about the unknown, I was told that I would help them by checking their homework, and then we can go to play time, if the students had finished their work.  I did not realize how quickly I would recognize which needed more help than others needed, and it was quickly visible to see how much attention others needed so desperately.  It was both interesting and sad to see that others clearly did not receive much attention at home.  One boy, N, I will refer to him as, was constantly tugging on my arm to tell me he needed help with homework, yet he knew how to do it all perfectly.  As the afternoon progressed and I was able to work with another boy, G, I saw how different learning styles and methods are among the children.  I had never really experienced this before, as I went through  high school  I usually was with other students around my ability, and when I tutor it is individually so I don’t see how differently others learned from each other.  I tried so hard to help G understand the material, but he was much slower than the others were and with the stimulation and excitement in the classroom it became even more difficult for him to focus, eventually he tried to give up.  I learned later that he and his twin were in different grades, because he was much slower.  It tug on my heart to see him try so hard, but then realize quickly how much of an influence other kids have on each other and pick on each other intensely knowing their differences.  At times, it was difficult to stay patient and kind, because the little kids angered me, but you have to stay polite to help them get their work done.  They get very rough with each other, but it is always clear whom the ringleader is, that would be D, who encouraged others, who were normally good kids that did their work, to act up, flipping over chairs and yelling across the room.  After we finished homework, it was rewarding to see G get his work done and actually understand how to do it, and then enjoy his playtime, which I know without my help he may have been stuck working on his homework while the others went to the computer lab.  It was my first visit, so it was a learning experience initially in many areas working with children from so many different backgrounds, naturally I am often sheltered by the area I grew up in and I am glad I have been given this experience to become more acquainted with children with disabilities and see how they interact and function with each other.  The kids are so good at heart and I really enjoyed being a factor in helping them be good to each other as well.  I am excited to see how different my experience will be next week when the kids know me and recognize me, I hope I can help even more, as well as try to understand the kids even more!